The Cuckoo Club Nightclub London

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What's The Score

Once voted Best New Club at the London Club and Bar Awards, The Cuckoo Club is the sleek and stylish watering hole to London’s late night, high-end underbelly. With its perfectly central Mayfair location, Cuckoo is considered the Godfather of the West End totting up a spectacular celebrity guest list. Needless to say, this place operates a strict ‘dress to impress’ rule, and is generally a ‘members only’ kind of place - Boo - but special Cuckoo guest-lists allow us (the civilians) to witness the inner workings of the elite. We think if you check your clipboard you should find us. Our name? Sure, it’s err ...Kardashian. Beyoncé Kardashian.

The Venue

As to be expected, the venue is flawlessly sleek and stylish - P Diddy isn’t exactly likely to get down and dirty at an Oceana now is he? You can also tell that money is no object to the folks at Cuckoo from the moment you walk in. It is nothing short of stunning. Branches of cherry blossom and ivy meander overhead, walls of faux hedge line the velvet booths and roots travel up the frontage of the bar and across the mirror backed bottle shelves. Whoever said that trees were exclusively outside accessories was awfully inside of the box. Everything here is lavish and beautiful, and undoubtedly more expensive than everything we own combined. With 2 floors, Cuckoo can comfortably hold 400 so is the ultimate, affluent party spot. We particularly love the magical under-lighting which makes the decor look as though it’s glowing, casting some wicked shadows across the faces of the crowd. Oddly enough, we didn’t spot a birdcage though, which we think would’ve fit in very nicely with the foliage. Not even a Cuckoo clock in sight!

The Cuckoo Club Nightclub

Music: House, Dance, Funk, Live
Dress Code: Smart
Capacity: 300
Train Station: Piccadilly Circus
Address: The Cuckoo Club, Swallow Street, London, W1B 4EZ

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Beats & Booze

Every spirit and liquor under the sun is displayed grandly on glass shelves across the back wall of the bar. The Cuckoo club offers some of the most elaborate and unusual cocktails in town, (Think organic elderflower and imported Indonesian beetroot.) For us mere earthlings, the cheapest cocktail is a steep £13 but undoubtedly worth the fare and sort of goes with the territory. You are provided with complimentary peanuts though, which is a nice touch and organic too no doubt. The DJ at Cuckoo spins mostly House, but also entertains clubbers every Thursday with live music from a selection of bands and singers both new and established.

The Scene

Cuckoo’s upscale environment makes it a sure fire celeb hotspot and magnet to swanky media types and internationals. It’s advised that you dress up to the nines for guaranteed entry too, so consider yourself warned, trainers are a no-go. Unless you’re Flava Flav or Lily Allen circa 2006 perhaps, they’d probably let you in then.. Prestigious publications such as Esquire and The Telegraph give The Cuckoo Club two huge thumbs up, it’s been labelled a ‘superclub’ by GQ and Vogue has said it houses ‘fashion and music royalty’. Eeesh, now that’s celebrity endorsement. If you’re looking for West End’s hot ticket, this is undeniably it.

The Final Word

Provided you’re not a little intimidated by London’s high-flyers, The Cuckoo Club will make you feel a million dollars even if it is just for the night. Don’t go too mad with the complimentary bar snacks though or you may as well be wearing a T-shirt branded ‘I don’t belong here’, and casual wear is a Cuckoo cardinal sin. We appreciate the fact that The Cuckoo Club continues the cheeky bird references by being on ‘Swallow Street’ too. It seems only right that we sign off in truest Cuckoo fashion by saying that although Cuckoo is less ‘Bye Bye Birdie’ and more bye bye budget, it may very be the most exquisite ducking club in town. Price-wise, you would be forgiven for feeling like they’re robin you blind, but the deluxe experience and beautiful people swaning around just scream indulgence. You should be able to treat yourself from time to time anyway right? If we can do it. Toucan do it too.